Where We Are Now
by mayfair22
Summary: How much and how long will it take till Casey and Derek stop pretending around each other?...when will the curtains draw?...when will the act finish?...angst future fic...Derek centric. On hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD.

A/N. I still havn't finished The Only Option and I am aware of that, but I really wanted to do an angst future fic. So here it is, I really hope you guys like it.

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What was he supposed to do? Pretend like it didn't matter? Pretend like he had been for the past 7 years now? Pretend like he didn't care?

And perhaps Derek Venturi didn't even know it any other way. Old habits die hard.

He stared at this mix of colors on the wall. Casey had so carefully arranged an array of colored tiles there. It had taken them hours to actually look for seven different colored tiles to make rainbow patterns, when Casey had first shifted to her new apartment. He had hated the idea but Casey had insisted that it was her house and she would decorate it just as she liked it. It was supposed to have bought cheer to the room. "Ha" a short bitter laugh escaped him. He could do a doctorate on irony. Emily looked up, trying to search his eyes but he refused to meet them. His were transfixed at the colorful wall opposite him.

_What do you want Emily? You want me to show her that it matters to me? To tell her that I feel sorry for her? To help her get over this mess? To make her whole again? But you wouldn't understand. How can you when even I can't get it? Because right now I feel like I am broken up inside and how can I fix her when I can't even fix myself?_

Derek stole a glance at Casey. She hadn't moved a muscle in the last 15 minutes. She just sat there, eyes glistening with tears which refused to spill, a hand just above her left breast, clutching something to her chest as if she was afraid that if she loosened the grip, it would all just spill out, eyes staring at the wall in front. _Cold unflinching eyes. _

_What happened Case? Your peach wall not so peachy anymore? Is it?_

_And yes I know, I know why you are gripping your chest so hard. Because that's exactly where it hurts the most. Not in your heart, like everybody says. Your heart remains as it is, constantly pumping blood. It is the spot right above it, which is knotted up. That and the spot somewhere close to the pit of your stomach. It really is strange because they are no organs in any of these places and yet it feels as if it'll explode. I know all about it Case._

Derek turned around to pick up his jacket and keys and with a final nod at Sam turned to leave the room.

"Derek." It was Emily. She gestured at his keys. "Why?"

He looked at Casey again. She still hadn't moved. He wondered if she even knew that he was in the room, let alone that he was about to leave. He looked back at Emily.

"Because I can't."

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Seven years back when Derek and Casey had both been accepted to Queens, there was this feeling of almost contentment. Because Casey meant a feeling of home, of high school, of status quo because as much as he liked to deny it…he was not very open to change. He was too used to _his _high school, his reputation, his image. And college was this new place where he would not be _The_ Derek Venturi, but just another Derek. And Casey? Casey would be his call back. His reminder of good old London. His feeling of belonging.

Casey had been placed in this room with a couple of more room mates and even though she never became best friends with them, they were close enough to allow a few tension free days in the room. Casey had been glad. And Derek had been enthusiastic. As promised Derek had remained close to Casey's residence. And Linda and Sarah were both quite a catch.

And as much they tried to even avoid it, they were just together more than often. Fighting, arguing, laughing at each other, laughing with each other, helping out, sorting out. Reviving through broken hearts (Casey) and broken knees (Derek). Casey was there to help him with his papers; Derek was there to get even with the bitch in the front row. All that and the fact that they now shared a sibling between them. Nora had given birth to a daughter and both Derek (even though Marti still topped his favorite chart) and Casey had declared themselves to be in love with her.

And just like that it was their personal high school all over again.

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A/N : I know it is very short but I thought it best to end it right here. It quite like a prologue and the story would develop in the following chapters. I am more aware of where I want to take this than I am about The Only Option. But I will try and update both as regularly as possible. Please review, especially this one because I am not so sure if the angst bit is good enough. I think its easier to right humor than raw emotions.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer" I don't own LWD.

A/N. So here is the deal, the story now goes into a flash back to when and Casey and Derek were at Queens and will now move henceforth towards the haggard state we left Casey at.

A/N. UPDATE. Okay so for some unknown reason, the story got deleted and had to be reposted and thank you Sarah for pointing out the errors, I have tried to restore them. In fact I had noticed the past-present goof-up myself and had meant to correct it….but…(Oops, no excuse!)Anyway, I'll try and be more careful in the future and perhaps even get a beta. Thanks, I truly appreciate it. Do let me know if they are any more goof-ups….

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_It had come almost as a shock when Casey had told him that she had to go to Vancouver for a month for a project. (You're shifting to Vancouver too?), mostly because she hadn't told him about it till a night before her flight._

He is standing at the airport seemingly checking out a blonde when the tapping of Casey's foot has finally gotten loud enough for him to here.

"What?"

"De-rek, she is barely 15."

"Is that illegal?" He winks at the blonde and she almost dies with the sudden rush of blood to her face. Mission accomplished, he looks back at Casey. "Shoo- get going. I have practice. "

_And then for some strange reason he had looked straight into those eyes that he had been avoiding since the night before._

("You didn't think it necessary to tell me that you have to go to Vancouver until now?"

"Well, I am telling you that now. So please don't make a deal out of it.")

"Take care of yourself, okay?"

"God Casey. Please don't make a deal out of it." And she flinches a little (and he feels an adrenaline rush) and then gives that idiotic- wonderful- all sunshine smile of hers, "okay bye."

And she has these arms open and he just stares at them. She knows he doesn't do hugs, especially not to her and especially, especially not at an airport.

She sighs and rolls her eyes, "De-rek" and exasperatedly moves forward and puts her arms around him and his hands automatically go to her waist and he buries his face in her neck because that's how his instincts work and he has almost forgotten that it is Casey. _Almost but not quite._

Casey stills but doesn't push him away either and Derek presses his face into her crook a little more. His lips brushing against her skin. Not kissing. Just breathing in her scent.

Finally Casey gently pushes him away and he makes that mistake again. He looks into her eyes and what he sees almost numbs him. This strange....strangeness...a cover. _(He gets it now though. It had been a cue to indicate that the stage curtains had been drawn open and it was time he learnt his lines and prepared himself for the role.)_

And she turns around, picks up her bag and disappears through the gates.

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The month passes; drastically fast in fact, because he always finds available blondes to distract him (actually he has been diverging a bit and even tries out red-heads and brunettes once in a while. But he has his preferences.)

The call comes from George that she was back at Queens and he wonders momentarily why she has not informed him yet. But it's Casey and he has decided long back to keep logic away from Klutzilla! And so he was there, right in front of her door, the airport scene quite forgotten. (Partial amnesia usually works. But it always remained partial.)

He decides to knock, but then he has been here so many times (For Linda. For Sara and for that all too often rare call to, Casey) that pretence of manners is a waste of much acclaimed acting talent. (And he would need it and was keeping it stored.)

So he barges in and is greeted by a raised eyebrow from Casey and a happy grin from Sara.

"Sam's dropping by this evening. And for some screwed up logic wants to see you as well."

Casey's eyebrow disappears somewhere in her hairline and it gives him some sort of rush to know that his casualness has an effect on her. (Two can play this game Case).

"Sam? As in your best friend" Sara asks and then turning to Casey "and your ex- boyfriend turned friend?"

Both nod in unison.

"It's funny. How you guys share almost everything. You really must have been great friends in school."

And Casey's face has lost its entire colour. _She hadn't told them. _

"Not friends Sara. We are siblings." Casey laughed. A little hysterically. And it reminds him so much of when Truman met Vicky. (It was funny how that had transcribed into a movie title)

"Step siblings." It draws out of him automatically.

"Could have fooled me." Sara's voice is ringing with sarcasm and a bit of something else. And he is rudely reminded of her presence because suddenly it was just the two of them and he was reading the same unreadable message in her eyes,

It was show time!!!

_Just where were the cue cards?_

And then.

"So that is why you haven't done her yet and I thought it was because Casey just wasn't your type."

Casey has turned around and he really wants to swing her back so that he can see the expression in her eyes. _Did she still want him to do his lines? _

_Fine. She was calling the shots here._

"Nah Sara. I am sure it has more to do with Casey not being my type." (He had always known he was good but this was pure Oscar material)

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Sam had left and they were returning to the campus. And suddenly awkwardness was just an understatement.

"Why hadn't you told them Case."

_Because he really needs to know._

"Why hadn't you? You have dated both of them." And she sounds so different that he actually turns around to look at her; just to make sure.

"I didn't _date _them Casey. I had sex with them and you really don't expect me to talk about our _relationship _in the middle of that." (He really hopes she doesn't catch the slight catch)

She doesn't and for the director of this really screwed up play she was quite oblivious to minor details.

"Yeah because they are so your type." That comes out harshly and her sudden tensed back tells him that she regrets it.

"Tell me this Casey. What is it that is really bothering you here. The fact that I did not tell them that we were step siblings or the fact that I told Sara that you were not my type." His volume higher than usual.

She looks at him, almost scared and it comes to him that this was slowly turning into a rush drug for him. _Catching her off guard_.

She doesn't answer and her back is hunched and he doesn't like this .._this thing they are pretending at....._

"Casey?" he says softly and gently holds her arm, turning her around to face him..."Case..."

"You remember Jake, Derek. He asked me out yesterday." She says in this all too chirpy voice, which is so so fake and she needs to take lessons from _him_.

_And just like that she had changed the theme music of their act._

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A/N. I guess you can't really do an angst fic without all those parenthetical I seem so fond of. (Except when you do something like DARE YOU TO MOVE and changes the very meaning of angst) and whom am I to break tradition? And I don't know when this entire act/play/theatre thing entered my head but I continued with. I hope you like it. Please review it. Thanks so much....


	3. Chapter 3

Revision of roles.

Check relationship status.

Step siblings. Definitely _not _friends. People who occasionally tolerate each other?

_Question? Do people who occasionally tolerate each other allowed to just barge into your room and start packing your clothes?_

"Um, Casey? What are you doing?"

"Packing your stuff. We have to go home today. Remember?"

Derek peeked out his head from under the covers to check his watch. 10 A.M. _It's barely dawn for a Sunday morning._

"Tell me Casey, do you carry a list of things to do to piss Derek off?"

"No."

Derek raised his eyebrows as he stumbled out of bed.

"It comes naturally to me." Casey finished. And his facial expression returned back to normal. "I'll wait for you at the parking lot."

She made a move to walk out but he had already noticed. That unmistakable bruise on her neck.

"How is Jake?" she stopped in her tracks and her hand moved almost involuntarily to her throat. _But it's too late. Fucking too late._

"He is fine." Her voice wavered a bit. (And he should stop because he is bound to get addicted to this drug). "We…we celebrated our one-month anniversary last night."

_It's already been a month?_

"I noticed." _And that rush drug first thing in the morning along with the fact that he had stopped breathing a while ago is making his head spin._ (Do they have a first aid somewhere backstage?)

"Derek….." she began and sounded almost apologetical. (Definitely the wrong tone Case. Maybe we should practice a bit more.)

"Parking lot. Ten minutes." His tone was crisp and cold. (Just like she had penned it down.)

(The reviews the next day are buzzing with praise for Derek Venturi. 'Even as the director/ lead lady of the play stumbles a bit, the hero takes over smoothly. We can only hope for more of such riveting performances in the future_.')_

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The drive back home was unusually quiet even though Derek did notice that Casey had changed into a turtle neck. _And if this continues he will have to move into a rehab_.

Nora noticed it too, "isn't it too hot to wear that darling? Why don't you change into something more comfortable?"

Casey turned crimson and mumbled something about feeling a bit chilly. And they believed her except for Edwin who at almost 17 was only more observant. He looked at Derek and raised his eyebrows in a question. And Derek almost laughed at his naivety, _not me dude. Definitely not me._

"Smerek. Sasey." A shriek followed by trotting of two year old feet had Derek snapping back into reality and he grinned fondly at his half-sister before swinging her around into a hug.

"I taught her that." Marti proclaimed with unmistakable pride, "she kind of taught herself Sasey though."

"Oh. Why not? She is my sister too." Casey had this glowing smile on her face as little Violet stretched her arms out to be exchanged from Derek to Casey.

And Derek suddenly wanted to go back to Queens. He looked at Violet as Casey almost smothers her with kisses. Because of some screwed up gene logic Violet had gotten a perfect combination of her eldest siblings' looks. Deep blue (_beautiful_) eyes, which reminded everybody of Casey and a face cut and nose structure which was so Derek.

She looked so much like them._ Theirs._ (And this is when he starts to collect the research material for the doctorate on irony he plans to excel at.)

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He tried not to interfere with the little squabble Lizzie and Edwin had gotten themselves into. It's predictably over the remote and he realized almost wistfully that since they moved out, their roles had been taken over by their younger siblings.

Lizzie was almost fuming. "Edwin Venturi that is no way to treat your sister."

"Oh. Please Liz. I thank God everyday that there is no DNA connection between us. I'll rather die than share even a protein of a chromatin with you." Derek would have laughed at Edwin's immature showcase of knowledge even in the middle of an argument but his eyes had caught that of Casey. And hers were wide with shock…._and something else? Fear? Realization? Embarrassment? Just why can't he read her anymore._

"What rubbish Ed. With Violet coming you guys share a much stronger bond than ever. She binds you as family. So DNA connection is really not an excuse anymore." Casey was looking directly at Edwin and completely avoiding him during this rant of hers and this more than anything else convinced him that she really wasn't talking to Edwin anymore. "And the sooner you accept it, the better it would be for you. For Lizzie. For all of us."

He doesn't wait to here his younger brother's response. In one swift movement, he had picked up his keys and walked out of the house.

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The two weeks of vacation are almost over and it was their last night home and she came in late from a party she had gone with Emily to. He was sitting in the living room resuming his unbelievably high score at Babe Raider, when she flopped herself on the couch next to him. He could smell a bit of alcohol on her breath. (Oops! Looks like Casey had picked up the script from somebody else's play because a drunk Casey sitting so close to Derek was never in the original plot.)

"Do you know Derek?" she asked in a much steadier voice than he would have thought and he realized that maybe she was not totally squashed after all.

"What?" his eyes hadn't left the TV screen. _He doesn't want to look at her right now._

"Jake is leaving for England in two weeks."

That was news but what was more shocking was that she was telling him this, (maybe a drunk Casey actually lets down her pretence guard)

"Why are you telling me this Case?"

"Because I want you to know that I am not really upset about it. I always knew he wasn't looking for anything permanent."

_Casey had willingly walked into a relationship which had no future. What was he missing here?_

"Again Case. Why are you telling me this?"

"I want you to know." She said simply and suddenly her hands reached out to touch the hair on his neck and he jerked around to finally look at her.

"Your hair has grown longer." She says quietly and then suddenly starts laughing.

"Dereka" she laughs and then shook her head, "No-no. De-reka" and she was giggling now and this entire situation was so unexpected, so devoid of any tension that he joined in. Actually laughing. With her. (And it's been so long.)_ And her eyes are clear after so long. No cue-cards. No scripts. Just plain smiling blue eyes. _

(And in your list of things to do is make me fall in love with you.)

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Later he just left her sleeping on the couch. Informing Lizzie on his way up to cover her up with a blanket. And he wondered if she would remember any of this in the morning. (It's strange that even though they hadn't even touched each other, he was still afraid of the morning after.)

The aftermath was not all that bad. Casey did remember most of it and actually thanked him for the blanket. He informed her that it was Lizzie and she nodded and thanked Lizzie instead.

There were a few more hugs and kisses and Violet was crying before they could manage to get the car started but he waited till they are well out of London to finally broach the subject open.

"Is Jake really going back to England?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"You are not upset by any of it?" he couldn't help the surprise in his voice. The Casey he knows cries for weeks over a break-up. God, it had taken her a month to stop crying over Truman. (Something about fool me once; shame on you, fool me twice; shame on me.)

"Don't you like him Casey?"

"Oh! I do." And she looked straight ahead. "I am just not in love with him."

_What was that supposed to mean?_

He drove silently for the rest of the way but finally when he did catch her eye. He realized that it was show time once again!

(Ladies and gentleman, on popular demand we bring you back Derek Venturi and Casey Mcdonald!)

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A/N. How was it? Please leave a review guys. Review and you'll have an update for The Only option as well. Is that even a worth it bait??? Uh...cookies then???


	4. Chapter 4

AN. First of all thanks to bsloths, inspired by whom I cared to check out some information on the Queen's hockey team…secondly I don't particularly like this chapter. but I need to make this story move forward and I can't think of anything else…and I had to show how much Derek is willing to do…so forgive me and I hope you guys like it…and there is a reference to Doctors by Erich Segal somewhere in there too…

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD.

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One of the first things Derek does on getting back to Queen's is to get a hair cut…because…

Because the_ 'Dereka, no-no De-reka'_ style was not the look the role demanded.

Snap! Went the extra locks and Derek and Casey went back to '_we have no idea what we are but we are definitely not friends… (Or more)'_

Casey approves of the haircut and he assumes that as long as the director approves he may as well stick to it…

"Your hair is shorter", she responds suddenly in the middle of a study plan she has been drawing for him…(even though he had told her that it would just be easier if she taught him…ala- their graduation exams but it seems she does not approve anymore of him making an entrance in a dressing gown and the crowds parting away to make way for them…. "_it would be a dramatic entry", he argues but she fears that the audience would just get the wrong vibe with the entire her-helping-him-study-in-a-dressing gown-thing…)_

"It suits you." She adds.

"Yeah...I didn't want to look like Dereka anymore…"

She looks away; a little embarrassed _(soon he will be forging prescriptions for extra doses …because he is so so addicted to this …)_ and he wants to shake her and tell her to drop it, to stop acting as if they shared something the other night….because doesn't she remember that the only thing they do share is a family bond created by Violet and the sooner they realize it , the better it would be for her. For him. For all of them.

_And he has said this before and he would say it again that for the director of this totally screwed up play, she was pretty bad at it..._

So he changes the subject, "Jake's gone back to his tea estates in England?" And it sounds as if he is asking about the weather. _(He has always been better at the movie business than her after all.)…_

She blinks stupidly at him, a little surprised at his impersonal tone, (_but it's your script Case, you might as well learn to stick to it…)_, "yeah…yeah…he left two days ago…"

He nods and stares ahead willing her to drop her gaze back to her books…

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It's the game of the season….The Gaels against Royal Military College…

And Derek can't get any sleep before the big day… he picks up the phone to call Sam and then decides against it…because Sam would just tell him to relax and go to sleep and that wouldn't help…he already had his roommates and team captain feeding him the same advice….

So even though he had promised himself that he would avoid it as much as he could…he finds himself in front of Casey's door…

"It's the Harris cup tomorrow…." He declares just as he enters.

"And…?" She quirks up an eyebrow as Derek flops down on her bed.

"And I think I am going to be sick…." He looks at her." Casey, help!"

"You do realize I am trying to study here…"

"Casey, the exams aren't due in two weeks…The game is tomorrow …you do realize where your priorities lie right now. Don't you?"

"With my books?" she offers.

"No Princess. With me. I'll be too tired to play if I don't get enough sleep. You need to do _something_." He looks at her with wide watery eyes. "Please." And she finally relents _because he learnt it straight from her. It has to work…_

"Fine." she shuts her books and scoots over a little closer, "talk to me."

Derek sits up a bit and stares at her…"huh!!!"

"Yeah…talk to me…about anything. Anything other than hockey that is…"

"And that will help? How?"

Casey rolls her eyes, "you came to me for help. So now do as I say…"

"Yeah well…okay…my name is Derek Venturi….I am your step-brother…"

"De-rek….not like this…..okay fine…tell me a good child hood memory…."

Derek looks at her as if she has suddenly grown horns….but caves in anyhow…._because, hell! her eyes can grow all wide and wet too…_

And before long, Derek was filing her up with crazy childhood antics, about Sam and Ralph, and failing first grade and when Marti was born and how she was crazier at three than at six…

"You know what…I am actually sleepy now…."

"See" Casey beams up at him. "Now that your mind is not on the game. You can finally get some rest….."

"Yeah…."Derek responds sleepily, stretching on her bed and closing his eyes…

"De-rek. You are going to crash here?"

And her voice is all squeaky and it works like a prompter…

_who needs cue cards when Casey can do it all by herself…_

"No. no. Of course not…" he says getting up and hurriedly walking towards the door…(_half of him wants to ask her how come Jake was allowed in there and he could not just crash in and the other half already knows the answer to that….)_ finally he just leaves with a, "thanks Casey."

He is almost outside when she calls out to him...

"Yeah" he peeks his head back inside..

"I'll come and see you play…"

He smiles back at her and is gone…

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He is waiting for her and he can't believe he is actually waiting for her too show up…_fuck Casey….where are you?_

The first quarter has gone pretty well but with minimum contribution from him….because his mind is just not in the game…._and he still hasn't seen her…_

The coach is yelling at him and his teammates are shaking their heads in disappointment because he could have easily made that goal but he had chosen just then to scan the bleachers. _just one more time…_

But it's not like her to promise something and then not make it and he just knows that something is wrong…..

At the second quarter the coach benches him and he slips out of the stadium, not too sure if he'll ever be allowed to play for the Gaels again.

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Her eyes are tear streaked when he enters and he freezes in mid door way…"Casey?"

'God Derek…." She is suddenly in his arms and he hangs them by his side because it is so unsettling and he doesn't do tears and she is still mumbling into his chest… "Derek. Thank God you are here …what am I gonna do?...how could I be so stupid….?"

" Casey…listen to me" he says, drawing her back so that he can look at her…"start from the beginning…tell me what's wrong…."

"Derek…"she says between sobs…"Derek I am late…."

"Huh? It's fine Case I am not playing anyway…."

"No De-rek" she cuts him off. "I think I am ….I could be …I could be pregnant…."

"What?' He drops her arms and pushes her backwards, suddenly burned by her touch, and she starts to cry harder…._and he wants to walk out...and never see her again...and never be a part of this...but he knows he can't...can't leave her alone...never could...never can..._

"How…cut that…I don't need to know how….you slept with Jake?" he whispers…even though he has seen the evidences on her neck for himself…

She nods and his breathing just sort of stops in the middle…._and perhaps masochism is one of the many characteristics of his character because he sure seems to be asking for this pain…_

And then he realizes that he is gone…gone back to his tea empire…and Casey was pregnant….

And he still can't believe it…because this was Casey…sensible…keener… do gooder…how could she be so stupid…?

"God Casey…." He realizes that she is still crying and shaking…_and she had given herself to someone else?….(and when had so much of drama crept into their little act?)_

"Sit down" he gently makes her sit on the couch and settles on the chair opposite…

"Are you sure?"

"No. I mean yes…I just know it…even though I still haven't gotten a test done…"

He nods…"So the first thing is to make sure. Okay?"

"Okay." She looks at him with hope. (_No! Casey, I don't want or need this responsibility. Don't rely on me to make it okay because don't you know? I am not your fairy Godmother…)_

"Have you told Jake yet?" _And he wants to kill that bastard…_

"No…" she looks at him…"Derek…I don't want him to know."

"What? Why?"

"He has gone…he won't come back…I know it…"

And all the anger just boils out…(_she slept with that bastard?)_ "What do you mean he won't come back? I'll make him come back…" he doesn't realize when he has jumped up from the chair and is angrily pacing the floor in front o her…

"Derek…please. Don't yell…"

He looks at her small face…red eyes….mascara streaking down….

And suddenly kneels in front of her "Casey. Please stop crying. We don't even know for sure yet….lets just get it checked first…."

She nods again and takes his hands in hers…. "Don't tell mom…"

"Never…but Case, she will have to know someday…."

"No…no. Derek you don't realize. Mom has these expectations from me and pregnant at 19 is not one of them…."

"But... what will you do?"

She stares ahead as if making a decision...and then whispers softly, "I'll get it aborted..."

"What?", the shock is evident in his voice because she looks down at him and nods her affirmative…"yeah…" and she is crying again….

"Stop crying" he says exasperatedly… "But how will you afford the abortion Case. Our allowances aren't that big ..."

"I have some savings…" she trails off and he knows that her savings are not going to be quiet enough….

But he knows Casey and there was no point reasoning with her at the moment...if this was her decision ...then so be it....

"Okay fine…you go get some rest…and we'll go to the doctor tomorrow…"

He pulls her up and leads her to the bed…."sleep" he motions towards the bed, "and I'll see you in the morning…"

He is almost out when once again she calls out to him…"what happened to your game?"

"Don't worry about it." He gives her a small smile and is out once more….

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$1,000 and that is all he has in his account…he isn't sure if that would be enough….but that's all he has been saving for years (there was a reason why he made Edwin pay for everything after all) for a rainy day…and this time, it sure was pouring…

He has everything planned. The hospital. The doctor. The money. And a constant replay of the doctor's lecture when he had gone to make the appointment… '_Young lad, if this friend of yours really is pregnant then all I can say is that you should have taken some responsibility. If you had really loved this girl, you would not let her go through this' _and he doesn't correct him…because what's to tell…?

_It'll be all alright Case. It'll be all alright…._he keeps repeating to himself like a mantra while he waits for her to take the test. _Everything will be just fine._

She comes back. Smiling. And he doesn't know if that is good or bad.

She beams up at him and quietly sits next to him.

"It was a false alarm." She whispers.

"What?" Even though he has heard it, he wants to hear it again. "What did you say?"

"It was a false alarm Derek." She repeats. "I am not pregnant." And she is crying again… "I am not pregnant" she repeats, this time between sobs…and he can't understand, why now?

"Why are you still crying?" he doesn't even hold her because this is just being plain ridiculous.

"I don't know" she says wiping away her tears and smiling through them, "I guess I had been so scared and maybe because I would not have gone through it after all…and I really didn't have the money for it anyhow…"

Derek instinctively pushes his wallet further down into his pocket…_because she really doesn't have to know about it…_

"Yeah …" he trails off as her arms cut off his circulation… "You're the best…" and she stops.(_how to fill that up?)_

"You're the best…" she tries again.

"step-brother?" he offers.

"step-brother" she repeats.

_And the curtains close down once more…the theatre echoing with applause..._

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AN…I really like that part in rude awakenings when Sam and Emily almost make way for Derek and Casey when they enter studying together…there was so much of underneath meaning in that scene… I hope you guys liked it. Do review and yeah while you are at it also read and review Daisy Weeds…my one short... :) Thanks…


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Huge laptop trouble…So I really haven't been around…Apologizes to all those whose updates I still haven't read and/or reviewed…(I should be getting back to all of it soon).

Okay, so I'm hoping that this will make up for the idioticy (Is there a word such as that?) of the last filler chapter. In fact I'm overwhelmed that some of you did (sort of ...kind of) appreciate the character building of the last chapter. I think it was necessary to show that Derek was ready to go till any length to help out Casey, even though he was hurt and angry….

Its late and I'm tired ...so do try ignore any mistakes...

Anyway moving forward with the story…

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD.

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_Everything is not so perfect in tinsel town after all …looks like the lead pair of the famous play 'To Be Or Not To Be' (no relation to Shakespeare) have caught themselves in a bit of a 'real life' drama. The grapevine has it that Casey MacDonald was recently spotted at the local hospital waiting for a pregnancy test result! What was even more surprising is that her co-star Derek Venturi was spotted right alongside her. This obviously lands the two into more speculations as to what really is going on between the two._

_The play has already been a dinner table discussion with the critics who agree that Casey Macdonald, who is not only the leading lady but also the director of the play has been loosing her ground quite often, not only forgetting her lines but also moving in and out of character at her own fancy will, leaving the entire show at the hands of Derek Venturi who despite the uncertainty of what the director may want next has turned out to be a very versatile and seasoned actor. Derek had himself wanted to be a director once and has quite an experience directing home videos during high school. We tried to get in touch with the actor as to know why does he not call the shots for this play himself but the actor was unavailable for comments._

_We can only hope that their personal lives do not overshadow their performances all that often. To know more on and off stage gossip about the two watch out for this space…until then..._

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**Scene 74 Act 8**

**Derek's room:**

Her hands are somewhere under his shirt at the moment and Derek shifts uncomfortably, not quite sure why his mind has suddenly gone off to a different track right in the middle of a hot blonde making track marks on his back. Sure, the other bodily functions were responding quite conventionally but the brain part had started to think…something he wasn't really quite accustomed to….not under the circumstances at least.

Had he really agreed to go on an outback trek to Australia with Megan? (_Yes he remembers her name….because Megan makes him think of Megan Fox which, brings him to Transformers... which, he made Casey watch...and she hated it…....Viola! He remembers Megan…and that's really why he remembers anything at all…) _

Yes he had…because we all need the way out once in a while…and why not?

"De-rek?" Megan suddenly protests because he hasn't realized it but he has gripped her wrists way too hard as they had begun their downward journey. (He lets them go as soon she breaks his name in two.)

He looks back at her… hair disheveled, missing shirt, bruised lips... _And Casey had slept with Jake…she could have been carrying his child…_

"I am sorry." He apologizes as he removes himself from the top of her, "I guess I'm just a little preoccupied with …"

Megan raises her eyebrows.

"With the hockey season ending and everything. I can't believe we've finished our two years here."

Megan looks a bit suspicious but relaxes once Derek continues to run his fingers through her hair, "you know what Megan?" he whispers lightly in her ear, "why don't we continue this later? When there is nothing to disturb us… I really want to take this slow and make this worth you" he smiles slightly as her breathing automatically rises.

"You mean when you come with me to Australia?" she asks and he stills.

_Australia? The other end of the globe? Was he ready to go? To let go?_

"Yes..." he whispers. "Yes, when I come with you to Australia?"

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He is shocked when she just barges into his room because as far as he remembers their semester papers were over and she doesn't have to draw his time tables or make notes for him anymoer. She was officially off the debt of him helping her out with her pregnancy scare.

("_Why are you doing this? I thought you wanted me to make my own notes this semester?"_

"_I just want to help you out."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because you had been good to me during that that episode…and I"_

"_And you want to repay a debt…?" cold voice is conveniently ignored. _

"_Yes... If that's how you want to put it…" the hurt look is also deliberately mistaken for a catch in the throat due to the weather. )_

"What are you doing?"

"Packing" he tosses another shirt into an over stuffed back pack.

"But you can't go to Australia."

"And why not? The semester's over, the season's over, I have a few weeks off and I'll be back after Christmas."

Because now she can't tell him that he was being stupid, because fun fact he wasn't being stupid just this once. He had been stupid not to go to Spain, to let her tears effect him enough to give up a chance to meet _Senoritas. _He had been even stupider not to go to Vancouver, to let her one 'you can't go' effect him enough to not to pursue Sally. Who knows where that may have led? He had been stupid then. _Not now._

Casey shuffles from one foot to another before throwing back, "where will you get the money from?"

He shoots him a 'you-can-do-better-look' because even she knows that Megan is probably paying for most of the trip anyway.

"George won't allow." She throws next. And he looks with quiet exasperation at her. One: he doesn't need George's permission anymore. Two: George would allow.

He finally zips up his back, "so will you leave now or do you want to close on your way out?"

She has an almost wistful expression on her face, not annoyed, not exasperated, not angry; just sad and he almost hates himself for making her look like this. He takes a step forward as Casey tiredly sits on the edge of his bed…her body bent forward in acquiescence…(_No no Casey this is not how you are supposed to look…don't you realize this is not what you had scripted.) _All he wants right now is not to make her look like this…anything…

But…

"_We recently celebrated our one month anniversary"_ and then_...."Derek I could be pregnant"_ and there was...."_We aren't friends Sara; we are step siblings"_ there was that lecture to Edwin_ "Violet joins you together in a family bond and the sooner you realize it the better it would be for you, for her. For her. For all of us"......_and her very latest_ "You want to pay a debt back"…………_

"I have to go. Megan is waiting for me at the airport."

He picks up his bag and turns around, hand on the door knob, when…

"De-rek."

He turns around.

She is still sitting on his bed, eyes wide and pink, mouth parted slightly as if she is having trouble breathing…

"Please stay."

_And this is what fantasies are made of._

His bag drops to the ground and in three quick steps he has pulled her into his arms.

_Because Spain, Vancouver, Australia: there really wasn't any difference…_

_He never could and never would be able to leave her…_

_(And the curtain draws, the theater breaking into a loud round of applause. The twist in the act has been greatly appreciated)_

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AN. For anyone who is wondering, Derek did play for the Gaels again. He may have had to take extra practice lessons or something but he is still on the team. He has to. He is Derek Venturi after all.

So how was it? Reviews please? And oh yeah… as most of you have already guessed the next chapter will have some Dasey action…so well….review….

Next chapter for Breaking The Habit coming next. Or maybe The Only Option, I can never be too sure…

Thanks…


	6. Chapter 6

AN. If it's easier to read than you only have bsloths to thanks.

Okay so I'm not too sure about this chapter either. It just came to me and I wrote it. Not much planning here, so it could suck... (I hope not).

DISCLAIMER: I don't own LWD.

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It isn't like he remembers any of it…He doesn't…Each touch… Each caress. Each tiny little word uttered by her is not etched into his memory…He doesn't recall her "De-rek"….He doesn't remember anything…Not _his _staying and definitely not _her _leaving…

_And that is the hardest part to play…_

Because the fact is that he can still smell the citrus shampoo on the pillow, the mattress is still a little curved in from her weight, his neck still feels the heat from her fingers, her book is still lying on his table…He laughs (_it comes out a little bitterly and the prompters start shaking their head__s__ in disapproval)_ because there is more (so much more) and he knows he can never forget…

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(A few hours earlier)

"You're hugging me?" she says as soon as his arms curve around her and he doesn't know whether to smile at the 'family moment' or push her away.

He tightens his arms in response.

"I'm tired Derek…Very tired…" she says from somewhere against his chest…And he hasn't realized that they had been in that position (he's kneeling, she's sitting on his bed and they're wrapped around each other) for quite a few minutes now…

He's tired too but isn't sure if she means it in the same way…So instead he asks if she would like to go to sleep.

"Here?" she asks. ("_De-rek you can't crash in here!")_

"If you want."

(He remembers him quitting his job at Smelly Nelly's and he didn't know that he had it in him enough to care (so much)).

It hasn't even struck him until he has already (gently…Because he isn't sure if his shattered soul can bear to hurt her…It's truly mystifying.) pushed Casey down on the bed. (And she doesn't protest. _Yet)_. )"You do keep complaining about Linda and her nightly activities keeping you awake, so why don't you…Just sleep here and I'll…I'll take the couch." (Except that it's a dorm room and he doesn't have a couch; _d__amn the prop department._)

She looks up at him and silently rolls to her side leaving enough space for him on the other end _and yeah he can take a hint…_

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His cell phone has been buzzing the entire night and he hasn't bothered to pick it up even once. They're calls and ultimately angry voice messages from Megan and he knows that she has left for Australia without him. Her final text message confirms his doubts: 'GO TO HELL.'

He looks at Casey, fast asleep, her face buried in his shoulder and her arm lightly draped across his chest. The irony of course is that even though he may wake up with a cricked neck and a sore shoulder the next morning, she wouldn't know a thing because her moving closer to him had been instinctive and he worries whether he's being taken for an old teddy or… Jake…_Yes, Megan. This is hell…_

He's left staring at her, because _how _did this happen? What is she doing here? Why is he not pushing her away? Why is he letting himself get roped into whatever screwed up act she is performing? The sane thing obviously would be to push her off, hell! Because she is cramping his style and stiffening his muscles and it's _his _bed… And he isn't sure if it's the staring (he's still doing it?) that wills her to open her eyes or the fact that he's been absentmindedly rubbing his thumb along her jaw.

She looks at him for a long, hard moment as if trying to remember how she had gotten into _his_ bed wrapped in _his_ arms…Quietly, she removes her arm from his chest but without thinking (_without wanting to think) _Derek closes his hand around her wrist, stopping her. "Don't," he whispers, making her look up at him quizzically and shake her head, trying to clear it. "Derek," she warns except that she's whispering and her eyes are staring at him in dilemma (_I'm confused too Case. Is this right? Will this ever be right?)_. He leans forward and closes her eyes with his lips, blocking out the confusion, lingering there for what feels like an eternity.

"De-rek." She whispers again (and it sounds like submission), he moves his lips over her forehead, her cheeks, her chin (He still isn't kissing her. He never could. It's like tasting her, trying to remember each bone structure of her face, which is plain silly because he never could forget it) and finally to the corner of her mouth.

"Casey?" he says this time, and it comes out as a question, permission.

She answers by repeating his movement with her fingertips. They roam around his face and his neck, resulting in him sighing deeply against her mouth. He lets go of her wrist to unclasp her hair and tangle a hand intensely through it…

And next? He isn't sure what to do next, which is strange because he holds a professional degree in kissing, and yet this is Casey and he never thought this was possible with her. (_Who are you kidding Venturi? You've spent the last two years of your life just trying miserably to explain to the world why the two of you were together and yet not together.)_

He's effectively aware of two things though, one: if he moves his face even a quarter of an inch he would meet her lips, and two: that his throat is choke full (_and it tastes a bit like fear and a bit like hope_). He sighs her name again and finally turns his face to kiss her… (_And it tastes a bit like coming home.)_

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They say that time is a very selfish thing; it stores the most crucial details for itself.

But isn't Derek Venturi an exception to every rule?

He remembers each and every expression of her panicked face to the most minute, aggravating detail, of how her eyes open wide and realization dawns on her face. The pure horror in which she pushes him away, dragging herself up to sit at the very edge of the bed.

"Casey? What's wrong?"

"I…You …We were…" _Why does she have to look so scared? Why is she even sitting like that, her knees drawn up to her chest…?_

"This is wrong," she finally blurts out.

_Wrong? WRONG? He had barely kissed her. _A rage so alien boils up in Derek that he's unable to even recognize the emotion. "Christ Casey. Stop acting so virginal about it. We both know that you're much more experienced than that."

He regrets it as soon as he says it. (And that sound you here? That's the scattering of whatever was left in him)

Casey stares at him for a while (_and no please please no…she can't be crying)_ before blinking away tears (and somehow…for some unknown reason it makes him feel worse…because knowing that she can _fix _it …can be strong about _this_…and he can't, can't, can't…._it makes him feel empty_) and shifting her eyes on the floor (_she won't even look at you Venturi)_… His gaze falls on the pattern on the wall opposite him (_he will not …just will not look at her either) _and he lets his interest remain there..._And the room is suddenly…Silent…Cold…Tensed…Dead…_

It must have been seconds, minutes, hours, eternity (he can't seem to measure time anymore) before she finally breaks the silence

"I didn't want to sleep with him," she whispers softly and he wants to ask her to be louder (maybe not), "I hadn't planned it."

_But she's had her whole life patterned since she was four…_

He steals a glance at her, but she's still looking at the floor so he fixes his gaze back to the wall…_Frankly, he can't look at her discussing how spontaneous and natural her love for Jake had been and not feel sick…_

"We had gone out to celebrate our one month anniversary; I had been impressed that he had actually remembered it." He can hear the slight smile in her voice and groans a bit, _because with Sam there had been a hockey match to screw things u__p b__ut this __a__ristocratic-snob did not even play hockey._

"I guess I wasn't thinking right and ended up drinking too much." _Great! So what exactly is it about Jake that makes you let go __of__ yourself? The fact that he cracks a joke nobody understands and then calls it British humor? Arse__._

"It didn't have anything to do with Jake though; not particularly anyway," she continues, streaming right into his thought process. "The thought that I was with a guy, any guy, for a month and still didn't feel anything close to love…" He looks at her in surprise even though her eyes don't shift.

"I'm not the type, you know?" she asks rhetorically. _He knows._

"So…That was it. I was drunk. Perhaps so was he. We went back to his place and…And I don't even remember anything else…" She finally looks up at him.

_And what is that supposed to mean? You didn't want it, but you still had sex with him…How was that possible…Until…Until…Oh God…._

"Did he …Did he take advantage of you Casey?" (And he wants to rip the guy's head off with his bare hands.)

Casey smiles slightly at his euphemism, "he didn't force me, if that's what you want to know." She briefly closes her eyes, and looks at him straight, (and he doesn't know whether that smile on her face is in sympathy_ (oh please no….no pity…not from her…not now…not ever) _or empathy (_maybe, just maybe she feels it too))_, "I woke up quiet willingly in his arms the next morning."

Just as she had now, with her head buried in _his _shoulder, her arm draped around _his _chest. And he wants to slap her across her face...(Or run away).._.._

A part of him still can't believe that they are having this conversation anyway…

Which in retrospect, they aren't anymore because silence has engulfed the room once more.

Her cell phone breaks it this time…

"Hi, mom….Yes…Yes I'll be there for Christmas….Fine, I'll speak to him…" she pauses and looks at Derek, an unreadable expression clouding her eyes, _again._

"Hello Violet…of course darling…Yes your brother will be coming too…He's right here….sure,"

She hands him the phone, "_our _sister wants to speak to you." _And it feels like somebody has kicked him in the gut._

He talks to Violet, promising her that he would be bringing Santa along. And for few minutes he feels…Relaxed…Till he finishes the conversation and finds Casey already up from the bed, her hair settled back into its clasp, her hand held out for her phone…

He silently hands it to her and watches as she opens the door to leave, "Casey?" he calls out. (Please stay_!)_ _But why? Why? Why? Why ask her to stay? What was that he wanted from her anyway? That she would even more cruelly break his spirit (and his heart) with his body's own desires?_

She turns around and her voice chills him to the core, "that's my sister you spoke to. The sister whose brother you are." She pauses, letting the words sink in, "Please do the math Derek."

And she leaves

_(Here's a fun fact for all you nerdish fans who like to collect trivia about your favorite stars. Derek Ventur__i s__tayed back on Casey McDonald's request, but at the end of it all she's the one who leaves him.)_

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AN: So? Please review?


	7. Chapter 7

AN: It has been long but blame it on work and deadlines and a brother who wants to get married…

This is more along the filler chapter lines because I needed a little transition before I move onto the next part…(I still have a bit of a plot hidden somewhere afterall. I guess). If there are any mistakes here, then that is only because i made a few changes after bsloths had already gone through it....sorry for that....:)

Also thanks to crashmurphy for the suggestions...I have made the changes recommended....

Disclaimer: I do not own LWD.

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Usually he enjoys the thrill of speed, the rustling of the wind through his hair, the sound of the blaring music from the car stereo…Usually he likes going back home…

Except today is not so usual.

He's driving (fast. Only because it's a force of habit) without really competing with the last speeding ticket he earned. And just there, to add to his misery, his car top is stuck and has earned the crudest of curses because he doesn't want the blasted December air to make him feel (any) colder. He has flipped through various radio stations and everything is just about how it's Christmas and 'love 'is supposed to be in the air. He almost flings the thing out before resorting to just shutting it off.

Usually Casey is right next to him…

He had gone to her dorm first, only to return the book she had left in his room…She hadn't been in and nobody had a clue either. Sara suggested she had gone home for Christmas early (Without telling him?) while Linda had been more imaginative with an alien takeover. He had left it that…And her book for that matter…Because he wasn't looking for excuses to talk to her. Quite the contrary actually. It was the economy he was concerned about because she could have easily saved up on her taxi fare (She did take a taxi right? Or was it a lift? Some guy?... ) and just driven home with him.

And he doesn't care (except for the economy of course).

He curses a few more colorful words as a sudden blast of awfully cold wind hits his face and he finally draws his car to a halt in front of a midway bar. He needs a drink (because it's fucking cold and not because he can feel the non-eaten food almost making its way up every time he glances at the empty seat beside him…)

Joe is apparently the name of the bartender and he seems to be quite popular. Everyone greets him and everyone wants to talk to him. The mindless chatter is sickly irritating as Derek continues to stare at a bubble after bubble make its way up and disappear from his drink. He never did realize it before but beer watching could easily become his favorite pastime…(Next to driving Casey crazy of course but that hasn't been happening for a while so he figure he might as well get involved with a new hobby.)

"You seem new here." Joe is finally alone again and apparently thinks Derek needs a talk.

"It's a midway bar…It's not like you have regulars here," Derek mumbles still staring at his drink. Perhaps Joe would take the hint.

He doesn't. "Are you kidding me? This place is packed with students from Kingston all the time. I'm just surprised that I haven't seen you here before."

Derek finally looks up. Joe is actually a cold faced, bald, middle aged man and yet he draws people like a magnet. The place seems to be swarming with people and for the first time since Derek had set foot inside, he takes in the pub. The place _does _seem nice. And he's surprised too. There was this popular hangout area, perfect place to _save _drunken damsels in distress and yet he knew nothing about it! What exactly had he been doing for the past two years in Queen's? (_Playing hide and seek with Casey. That's what.) _

Joe somehow has noticed the brief display of emotions cloud Derek's face. "Girl trouble?" he asks.

Derek snorts. "You're a shrink as well?"

"Hell yes!" Joe smiles. "No one gives heart advice as well as bartenders." He pauses. "For free."

Derek just shakes his head in mild amusement and takes a large swig of the beer.

"Family trouble then?" Joe asks. And this time Derek actually has the drink flowing out of his nostrils. _Perhaps he too was a part of Casey's cast and crew._

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Derek now has a Whiskey glass in front of him and he needs to keep reminding himself to be careful. He does have to drive home (All alone) after all.

"Okay buddy. So tell me. What brings you here? On your way home for Christmas?"

Derek nods, "Yeah. I don't think they are expecting me though. I'm hoping to surprise them." (her)

"Large family?" Joe asks conversationally.

"You have no idea. " Derek chuckles. "I'm the eldest and I have three more sisters and a brother below me." He knows he's missing something here, but he's a bit drunk and it already freaking feels like a hockey puck through his head. Whatever it was, it couldn't be that bad. _Right?_

Joe whistles. "_Three_ younger sisters. That's quite a bit on your 't it? "

"Not really." Derek replies. "Lizzie is a senior at high school and she can pretty much take care of herself…She knows taekwondo," he explains.

Joe whistles again. "And the rest?"

"Hmmmm…Marti is my favorite….And well, she still needs to figure out the real world but she's the one who keeps the entire house on its toes and then there's adorable Violet who's just two."

"That's it?"

Derek stares unblinkingly at him for a few seconds. (_And the prompters are already cuing in to cut the pause and answer and he still doesn't remember what is that was missing here)._ "Yeah. Yeah, that's it. That, folks and my brother Edwin. That's my family

_Too bad that the audience has caught the slight tremor in his voice._

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What also isn't usual is the fact that he quite blatantly ignores the woman across. She makes all the right signs. Flips the hair. Bats the eyelash. Crosses the legs and yet he continues to just stare at his now empty glass.

_(His character sketch has totally been screwed up this time.)_

Okay, so driving was going to be an issue tonight because he can already feel his eyes getting heavy and he knows that Casey is going to get so mad when she comes to know that he drove home half drunk…

_Casey_. That was it. Now he knows it. He had been missing her (in a hundred and ten different ways).

And the trouble is that he cannot even _not _think about her even when he tries really hard not to. It really wasn't fair.

Suddenly, he gets up (a little unsteadily ) and turns to exit, when just as suddenly he turns back ( and the blonde across looks up hopefully) and goes back to Joe.

"Dude, you know what? I lied to you. I don't have three sisters….I have four." Derek stumbles a bit and holds onto the counter for support, the need to go on, to get it all out rooting him there. _Because he really really needs to say it. Perhaps if he hears it himself, he'll have the courage to actually believe it._

"Her name is Casey. She's crazy and neurotic, smart as hell and…and I….and she's my sister. I should learn to remember that. Right? Heck! I'm surprised that I didn't remember it before because she always takes so much of pain to keep reminding me. Blah blah blah about how we're a close knit family and Violet binds us together and shit…So, fine I'm going to say it now… Casey McDonald is my sister. We are family and maybe…just hypothetically, I may not want it…but that's the fucking truth and I should just go ahead and accept and save us all the trouble…Don't you think?" he stops, just to breath a bit.

Joe looks at him in shock, shaking his head in bewilderment, "I think that's the strangest case of sibling rivalry I ever saw."

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He doesn't know how but somehow he has reached home. And he's unscratched and the car is fine and he doesn't remember killing anybody on the road either so everything must be all right after all.

Except that it's 3 o'clock in the morning and ringing the doorbell would only cause trouble. So he fumbles for his keys (unsuccessfully for a few minutes until he finds them somewhere in his hip pocket.)

The next comes fumbling with the lock and he grins because it reminds him of graduation and a drunken Casey trying to get the door opened with a wrong key. He hadn't been any better either and ultimately it had led to Nora coming to their rescue. The two of them had stumbled inside, still laughing, holding onto each other for support…

_It had all been so simple….so uncomplicated…when exactly had his life become so screwed? When had the writers changed hands?_

The scene in front of him almost makes his knees buckle. Literally . Because he finds himself holding onto the door frame as he takes it in…his breath coming out in a long exhale…

Casey is curled up on the couch her arms wrapped around Violet. A comforter pulled across them. They seem to be asleep.

_This is when the background score cues in…_

Casey only has the lamp on and the light softly bathes her unassuming features, a fairy tale book lies almost slipping from her hand and he realizes that she probably had been reading out to Violet before they dozed off. _Were they waiting? And dare he hope, for him? Did she know he would come?_

This. This picture of her and a little girl who looks like them…waiting for him to come home…it does something to him…something strange and yet it feels all too familiar…like a scene straight off the silver screen.

It feels like déjà vu.

And he wonders if this happens to everyone…And is he supposed to feel like this at 21? Like this is it…The moment when he knows it…

He's shaking …Almost visibly ..

_(And the audience is going all ohhh and ahhh…because the setting is right about perfect…. Until…..)_

"Honey …I'm home," he calls out loudly. Just so that he would never have to think about how it would feel….

He knows now that even perfect scenes have not so perfect endings…

(And just because he needs them to wake up…To cut it out…To stop screwing up with his mind…Because he does not want to see things that are simply _not _there)

Because they are no dazzling smiles, or hugs or hurried kisses…..Because that's his father's and her mother's daughter and not….And at that moment he hates himself because he almost hates her for who she is….

What he has instead is Casey suddenly opening her eyes…Almost in fright and he watches intently (almost with amusement) as the fear changes to familiarity, to puzzlement and finally to that aggravating indifference….

The need to laugh out is sudden and uncontrollable…And perhaps it's the drink or perhaps its Joe's horrified expression or just because it's her. And him. And them and it has always equated to hilarity…

She shhs him because he would wake Violet up…

But he can't seem to stop…"De-rek" Casey begins and he waves her off, stumbling over. She instinctively reaches forward to catch hold of him but pulls back (and is that how hurt looks on her face? He can't seem to help gloating) as he shrinks away from her, "I'm fine…" he whispers and it comes out as a snort because he still can't seem to stop laughing. _Who could blame him? It was the joke of a lifetime._

"Derek" Casey tries again, a little softer this time, a bit like concern clouding her voice. "What is wrong with you?" she asks.

He doesn't answer. He can't. A little unsteadily he makes his way to the stairs leaving a very puzzled Casey behind.

And he's still laughing…So hard that it hurts…Right down to his gut and the pain is so bad that he can feel something start to sting his eyes.

He slams the door and slumps against it….Still laughing uncontrollably….

_Because this dear audience is the weirdest case of sibling rivalry you ever saw._

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AN: So how was it? do review....


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